


Get Me Through Winter

by Cocoboheme



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grief, Incest, Multi, Slow Burn, jonsa, mostly angst though, see you all in hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-07-29 15:05:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7689208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cocoboheme/pseuds/Cocoboheme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jon promised to look after her and he would drag himself through all seven hells if it meant that he could keep that promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First : Thanks to my beta Jonsainthenorth
> 
> Below are the Starks and their House 
> 
> As you can see it's a Modern AU
> 
> This is my first Jonsa fanfic I hope you'll enjoy it. Have a good read ;)

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

As Cersei Baratheon droned on about her phony charity galas, Jon wished he had found a good excuse to escape the holidays. Ever since Cersei's husband Robert was elected President, the Stark family spent Christmas Eve at the White House. But the last people Jon wanted to be with at the moment were the First Family. He never understood why he had to come. As their adopted son, he always felt out of place when Ned and Catelyn Stark brought him to these formal functions.

 

Jon spent most of dinner looking at his plate, barely paying attention to what was said. He’d rather listen to the string quartet. Christmas songs weren’t really his thing but it was still a better alternative than hearing Cersei's faked excitement over her projects.

 

“Sansa, it’s time to tell them the good news.” Joffrey Baratheon, the eldest son and the heartthrob of America said, urging his girlfriend to speak and drawing everyone’s attention. 

 

Jon grew up with Sansa but he didn’t really know her, he never was close to her like he was with the others. Nonetheless, he could just barely perceive her discomfort. Sansa had always been good with appearances, but he was always good at reading people.

 

“Dad, Mom…” Sansa started. She wore her perfect smile, the one she usually gave to the press. “Joff and I, we’ve both decided to go to Harvard, they have the best English program in the country. We’re gonna move in together.” 

 

The news shocked Jon to his core. Only a few weeks before, Sansa had gotten her acceptance packet to Juilliard's next class. He thought of all the hours she spent practicing at her harp every day, driving her siblings and him crazy as they tried to do their own homework, and couldn't help but think she was throwing everything away.

 

Robert Baratheon called for a toast. It was all wrong, even Jon knew that. He would have said something, but he knew his opinion was irrelevant in Sansa’s eyes. 

 

“You’re not going to say anything?” Robb asked his father incredulously. The entire family stared, dumbfounded, at the happy couple. Robb was the first Stark to speak while the Baratheons celebrated.

 

"You’re going to let her go? With him?”

 

“Robb!” Sansa exclaimed, horrified. 

 

“This is not the time.” Ned Stark said firmly to his eldest son. 

 

Jon looked at his adopted brother sympathetically. He hated Joffrey as much as Robb did and he wanted Sansa to be happy. Joffrey tended to ignore his girlfriend and when he didn’t, he was bossing her around. Jon doubted that Joffrey made her as happy as she deserved.

 

"This is lovely news, Sansa." Catelyn managed to say as her surprise dissipated. No one knew Sansa had applied to Harvard. “I apologize for my son’s behavior. He’s just startled.” Catelyn said to the Baratheons. 

 

Jon understood why Catelyn apologized. Robert Baratheon was the President and granted, his father was the Secretary of State and those two had been friends for over thirty years. But the Starks still had to suck up to a certain degree. 

 

If his opinion had mattered, Jon would have said something. Because he couldn’t stomach the idea of sweet Sansa throwing her life away for a guy like Joffrey who didn’t deserve her in the first place. Harvard was probably the best college in the country, only fifteen minutes away from MIT, so he could be there for her. Sansa may not like his outreach, but Jon would try. There was only one thing wrong with this scenario: Harvard was never her dream and she likely didn’t want to go there now. 

 

“Catelyn, it’s fine. Robb is a little overprotective that’s all. We understand.” Cersei replied setting her hand on Catelyn's shoulder comfortingly.

 

There was silence for a few minutes after that, forks and knives scraping away at the White House china. But once desert came out, a beautiful yule log topped in mushrooms and gnomes, all tension was soon forgotten. But, the yelling began the minute they walked through their Georgetown home.

 

“I can’t believe you humiliated me like that!” Sansa shouted at her older brother as she slammed the front door behind her. 

 

“Joffrey is an asshole!” Robb shouted back.

 

“You’re the one being an asshole right now!” Sansa yelled even louder getting in his face.

 

Jon decided to put the young kids to bed. It was starting to get ugly and they didn’t need to witness the madness. He picked up Rickon and carried him. Catelyn looked at Jon suspiciously. She didn’t like that her kids were so close to Jon. 

 

When Jon got upstairs, Rickon was already asleep in his arms. Jon managed to put him in his bed without waking him up. Jon switched on the stars nightlight because he knew that if he didn’t, Rickon would eventually end up in his bed. 

 

Arya and Bran, didn’t feel like sleeping, and convinced Jon to watch a movie. They were in Arya’s bed watching _Die Hard,_ Arya’s favorite “Christmas movie”. His two younger siblings knew all the dialogue by heart and did a few terrible impersonations of John McClane, which make Jon have a good laugh. 

 

Halfway through the movie, Arya and Bran fell asleep. When he noticed, Jon turned the tv off, covered them with the comforter, and left the room. 

 

He was relieved to see that all the lights were off downstairs. He didn’t want to be part of this discussion. He didn’t want to hear Sansa speaking about fucking up her life without saying anything. He didn’t want to give his opinion and have her looking at him with disdain when she eventually dismissed him. 

 

Jon was restless. He walked in the kitchen and made some tea. He wandered to stare out the window, warming his hands with the steaming hot cup of tea and watching the snow fall by the pool. Footsteps alerted him to someone behind him.

 

Sansa was in her pajamas. She quickly wiped her tears when she saw Jon and went to the fridge to grab a piece of lemon cake. 

 

“You think I’m stupid too, don't you?” Sansa broke the silence. 

 

Jon hesitated. She sat at the island kitchen to eat her piece of cake as if she was forced to. Despite it being her favorite food, she did not seem to appreciate it. Her eyes challenged him, dared him to affirm her statement. 

 

As long as Jon could remember, Sansa had always known what she wanted, even when she was just a kid. He could still hear her in his head, _“When I grow up, I’ll be the best solo harpist, I’ll play for my husband, I’ll be so good that every time he’ll fall in love with me all over again, and I’ll teach our kids, oh it will be delightful!”_ Sansa was not stupid but she was about to make the most idiotic decision of her life.

 

“You started playing the harp, when you were what- like five?” Jon tried to remember. “I mean it’s always been the plan, right? Get good, get into Juilliard, become the principal harpist of the New York Philharmonic. There's not even a music program at Harvard.” 

 

“Plans change.” Sansa shrugged.

 

“Well, maybe.” Jon paused. “But you shouldn’t give up on your dreams, especially for someone who doesn’t truly appreciate you.” 

 

Sansa sighed heavily and closed her eyes. A single tear fell down her cheek.

 

“What if he leaves me?” Sansa asked, her voice trembling.

 

It caught Jon off guard. Sansa never let herself be this vulnerable in front of him. She wanted comfort, she wanted comfort from _him_. It had never happened before. 

 

Looking at her like that, he wanted to take her into his arms, hold her tight and make it go away but he knew it would be too much. They were family but they were almost like strangers, sudden proximity with him would make her uneasy. Jon had to find the right words instead, except that he was never good with words. He was awkward and clumsy with them. Especially with Sansa; she was a true romantic, she read poetry, she watched romcoms and listen to love songs. How was he supposed to reach to her?

 

“I know you think Joffrey is the one.” Jon said hesitantly. “I know you want the whole deal, the loving husband, the big wedding, the big house filled with children. But I’m telling you, he is not Prince Charming, he’s just not that guy. If he was, he’d do anything to make you happy, he’d tell you to chase your dreams and right now he’d insist you go to Juilliard because you can’t be selfish with love.” 

 

It was the best Jon could come up with. He looked at her sheepishly. Sansa’s unshed tears made her eyes shine like blue sapphires. 

 

She had an undisputable beauty. Everyone around her, the magazines, all of America found her beautiful. Jon didn’t necessarily disagree, she was pretty, graceful and kind of perfect, or at least she tried to be perfect, so it was hard to deny. But he never made the effort to really look at her. Now, she was in front of him and he couldn’t look away. She was a lovely mess. 

 

He mentally shook his head. That new realization was unpleasant to him. He didn’t want to find his adopted sister beautiful, that was just wrong. 

 

“I always found it funny, you know.” Sansa said, struggling to smile through her tears.

 

“What?” 

 

“Of all of us, you’re the one who is just like him, and yet you don’t share his DNA.”

 

Jon swallowed hard. He knew that she was not trying to hurt him, that it was meant as a compliment, but he didn’t like to be reminded that Ned Stark wasn’t his biological father. It was already hard enough to feel like he was part of the family. 

 

“I don’t know what was said earlier but here’s something father would say…” Jon trailed off. “Robb is leaving for Berkeley the day after tomorrow to spend New Year’s Eve with Jeyne. He’ll be gone for a while. Try to make peace with him, alright? Don’t start the New Year being mad at him.” 

 

“It went too far. I can’t do that unless they apologize to me first.” Sansa said. 

 

“That doesn’t sound like you.” Jon pointed out. Sansa disliked conflict, she always apologized when it was needed, she even apologized when she wasn’t in the wrong. Jon had always found it hypocritical- it just sounded hollow. 

 

“Everyone in this family think that just because I’m such a girl and that I like girlish things that I’m stupid and shallow.” Sansa spoke bluntly. “Maybe I’m just sick of it.” 

 

Jon wanted to contradict her but she was right. He found most of the things that she pursued to be a complete waste of time. He couldn’t care less about fashion or poetry. When he decided to major in Environmental Engineering, he did it to serve the greater good. But Jon loved to hear her play, even though it was about the only one of her whims he enjoyed.

 

Now, Jon felt stupid. Sansa was dedicated to those things and they made her happy. He didn’t have the right to judge her for it. Furthermore, he didn’t have the authority to decide what was commendable and what was not. 

 

The whole family congregated on the front steps  to say goodbye to Robb, except for Sansa. She hadn’t left her room the entire day. 

 

“You should apologize to her. “ Jon said to his brother. 

 

“Yeah I was harsh.” Robb admitted. “I’ll call her as soon as I land.” 

 

Robb hugged his siblings. He would not see them until next summer. He told them that he would miss them and gave each one of them a piece of advice. 

 

“Please look out after her. Make sure that the bastard doesn’t make to much damage.” Robb asked Jon. “She’s smart you know? The problem is that she’s also too kind and pretty for her own good.” 

 

“I’ll try, but I’m only here on the weekends.”

 

“That’s all I ask.” 

 

Jon saw that Robb was genuinely worried and he had good reasons to be. Joffrey Baratheon was bad news, manipulative and vicious. If only Sansa could see it for herself. 

 

“Have a safe trip and try not to break too many hearts there.” Jon teased. 

 

“I can’t promise that.” Robb smirked.

 

“Alright kids, it’s time. We’ll be back later.” Catelyn interrupted them before she got in the car.

 

“Son.” Ned looked at Jon. “I’ve got your exams’ results. We didn’t have the time to talk yet but it’s really good. I’m proud of you.” He put his hand on Jon’s shoulder.

 

“Thank you sir.” Jon replied. 

 

If Jon had known it was the very last time he was seeing them, he would have tried to find better things to say. He would have told Robb that he loved him and that he would go to the end of the earth for him. He would tell Ned that he owed him everything and that he wished that one day he can be half the man he was. He would even have tried to make things right with the woman that never could be a mother to him. 

 

But he didn’t know so he only spoke platitudes and waved, assured that he would see them again soon.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I'd like to thank you all for reading and all the kudos and reviews, those are my drug I can't go on without it. Second of all I'd like to thank jonsainthenorth, my lovely beta <3  
> Anyway have a good reading, I hope you'll like it!

Sansa moved hurriedly around the kitchen, trying to tame everything. She couldn’t ruminate over the tragedy that happened only two weeks ago or she would completely lose herself.

 

She beat the egg whites with the electric mixer, a bit of floor flecking her nose. The apron around her waist still smelled like her mother. 

 

When she finally got the eggs foamy, she added it to the lemon cake batter and started to mix it.

 

"It’s only 6 a.m., you know?" Jon said, yawning. She hadn’t heard him enter the kitchen due to the mixer noise. 

 

"I wanted lemon cake for tonight and I have a busy day ahead of me." Sansa explained, putting the baking dish in the oven. 

 

"A busy day?" Jon asked. 

 

Sansa was exhausting herself polishing the kitchen island counter. She didn’t stop to glance at Jon. If she had, she would have seen the concerned look on his face. "It’s Friday, there’s a game tonight, remember? I meet with the squad at two. And Joffrey’s birthday is next weekend and Cersei asked for my help with the party." She said, focusing on a dirty spot.

 

"I’m sure she can manage without you." Jon said, and Sansa finally looked at him.

 

"No, she can’t!" She snapped. 

 

Sansa wished he would leave her alone. She didn’t have the time to talk let alone argue. She had things to do: meet with her co-captain to choreograph the next routine, find the perfect present for Joffrey, help Cersei with the last details of the surprise party, the prom committee meeting and practice her harp for the recital she will have a month later. 

 

"Sansa, she has an entire staff to help her." Jon pointed out. "Considering it only happened- that everything happened two weeks ago, I just thought that she could manage without you." He let out a heavy sigh. 

 

She saw distress in Jon’s eyes, or maybe it was disappointment. Maybe he thought she didn’t care, that she had moved on. "I’m just trying to be helpful." She said.

 

Sansa didn’t want people to manage without her. She didn’t want to stay at home doing nothing, focusing on her cheer routines let her wipe her mind free of any thoughts, keeping the house clean has become a nervous tick as she slid into the roles her mother used to fill, keeping the rest of them as afloat as she could. She had to keep herself busy, otherwise it would give her time to think and that prospect terrified her. It’s been two weeks and she had not stopped moving and doing. Every day, she woke up at five and went to bed at two, so drained by her hectic day that she fell asleep right away.

 

"He’s my boyfriend. It’s my duty to take care of this." She added, her face unreadable . 

 

She took off her apron and washed her hands. Before she could leave the room, Jon gently grabbed  her arm. He stopped her, sending a shiver down her spine. 

 

Sansa wasn’t used to his touch. She tried to remember the last time he had touched her, probably that day, years ago when they played by the pool with Robb and Margaery and he threw her in.

A mixture of worry and compassion filled his eyes. She couldn’t deal with his concern right now, not without losing herself. 

 

"We need to talk." Jon pleaded, his hand still holding her arm.

 

"I can’t right now. I’m going for a run. Please put the cake out when you hear the bell." She pulled her arm away from his touch and walked out.

 

* * *

 

The coldly January wound at her, her face turning red, unnerved feelings filling her as she tried to read the situation with Jon. 

 

When Sansa was back home all wet and glistening with sweat, she went up the grand stairs on her toes. She had heard her family in the kitchen and she wasn’t in the mood for the daily Starks’ breakfast. The empty seats were just another painful reminder of the people who weren’t there anymore. 

 

Despite not running late, Sansa showered as quickly as possible. She used to like dawdling in her bath, but these days it gave her too much time to consider her emotions. 

 

She made it downstairs just as Arya and Bran were leaving with their backpacks. Their school was just down the block. 

 

"Are we going back to school today, Buddy?" Jon asked Rickon, carrying him in his arms. Rickon shook his head and clung on to Jon, burying his head in his big brother’s neck. 

 

"Alright. I guess it’s just you and me then." Jon sighed. "Why don’t you go in the TV room? I’ll be right there and we’ll watch _Peter Pan_." Rickon nodded with a sad frown before Jon put him down.

 

"Can you watch him this afternoon? I have things to do that I can’t postpone anymore. I tried to go out with Rickon the other day and it didn’t really go well." Jon asked Sansa after Rickon had left the  foyer.

 

"I can’t. I told you it’s Friday, we need to be ready for the game." 

 

Sansa didn’t want to be selfish. She knew it wasn’t fair that he had to take all the burden. But she couldn’t take care of Rickon, even she had a clear afternoon. She could barely take care of herself. She was only standing because she had buried her head in the sand. 

 

"He should be back to school." 

 

"I know that Sansa." Jon hissed. "But he’s five and his parents just d-"

 

"Well, I can’t help you." Sansa cut him off more harshly that she had intended. 

 

She opened her mouth only to close it immediately. Then she grabbed her car keys from their hanger and ran out, leaving Jon completely dumbfounded. 

 

* * *

 

People at school had never treated Sansa normally. As the First Son’s girlfriend, they saw her basically as royalty, a queen reigning over her subjects. She usually didn’t mind the distance from others, but even her best friend Margaery had walked on eggshells around her the whole day. 

 

Sansa was actually looking forward to her two hours break before the big game. She was going to go back home, give Joffrey a call, practice for her recital, and eat a piece of cake or two for her pre-game snack. 

 

 

She decided to start with the cake, hoping for  a sense of comfort. But when she put the first bite in her mouth, something was different. She didn’t understand, she had followed all the instructions. She started to turn the kitchen upside down to find the damn recipe.

 

"What’s going on?" Arya asked as she watched her sister flail madly around the kitchen, opening every drawers and cupboards. 

 

"It doesn’t taste the same." Sansa said, more to herself than to her sister. She sighed with relief as she finally found the piece of paper, it was on the fridge, just under her nose.

 

"What are you talking about?" 

 

"It’s gone. It’s gone. It’s gone…" She whispered in a loop.

 

Sansa sank against the wall. She was crying on the kitchen floor, rocking and hugging herself tightly. The walls she built to block her feelings were crashing down all at once. The pain was so great that she felt like she was suffocating, all the breath escaping her lungs at once. It was as if all the grieving people in the world had chosen her heart to start crying.

 

"Bran!" Arya yelled so her brother could hear her. 

 

"What?" Bran asked as he got to the threshold of the kitchen. He froze at the sight of Sansa.

 

"Call Jon!" Arya commanded. She snapped her fingers in front of his eyes. “Bran!”

 

* * *

 

Everything went by in a blur. When Jon finally arrived, Sansa was still in the same condition, rocking and sobbing quietly. She vaguely heard him order Arya and Bran to take Rickon upstairs and told them that he would make it okay. But nobody could fix this, fix her. 

 

"Hey." Jon sat in front of her on the kitchen floor. 

 

"They’re gone."

 

"They’re gone." Jon echoed. 

 

"I killed them." She sobbed. 

 

"Listen to me. It is not your fault. It was an accident." He said lifting her chin. She was looking at him, or the blur of him, her vision blocked because of all the tears she had in her eyes. 

 

"I told Robb to go to hell. It was the last words I said to him and I can’t fix that." 

 

"You can’t." Jon agreed. "You can’t change what you said to him but you have to realize that he knew you didn’t mean it." She let him take her hands in his. 

 

"What if he didn’t?" There was suffering in Sansa’s voice and anguish in her eyes, she wanted him to prove her wrong so desperately.

 

"He loved you so much." Jon remembered with a sad smile on his face. "The last minutes I had with him, we talked about you and he said what he always said…"

 

"What?"

 

"That you are beautiful and smart and kind." He said wiping her tears with his thumb, but it was useless because she broke down and cried more tears.

 

Jon picked her up and carried her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, anchoring herself into him. She was grateful because she didn’t think she had the strength to walk to her bed. 

 

"I can’t make it to the game. Please cancel for me." Sansa asked.

 

"I’m glad you’re back. I thought we were losing you." Jon said going up the stairs. "You can’t touch life with half of your heart Sansa, not you." 

 

Jon set her to bed. He took off her shoes, kissed her forehead, and left. It felt good, unfamiliar but reassuring. _This sleep will last for days_ , she thought, as darkness claimed her and everything went blank.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I get that I kinda left you in the dark and you don't really have the other kids' reactions but that's because Sansa shut out everyone and since it was her POV. Next is Jon's POV and you'll get more answers about how the family is trying to cope and adjust.   
> Please review, I really need it! Thanks!


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